penned my soul

who? bebo. always.
here are the latest two that speak right where i am these days ...


tell me now, when does this start feeling
like I understand everything I’m dealing with
first I was young, now it’s all just happening
and what about the way I said that
made you turn around and shake your head
like I don’t even know what I’m asking for

this could be all about just letting go
this could be all about just holding on

I can’t get my feet off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
can you reach down here and pull me out, can you pull me out, yeah
I wanna scream but there’s no sound
I wanna fly to you somehow
can you reach me here and pull me out, can you pull me out

remember when I was young and hungry,
I could take it in, without much money,
I had nothing at all but dreams and time to kill
and now I feel like I’m treading water
and I’m hardly real - I’m just trying harder
to make my way on the earth by standing still

this could be all about just letting go
this could be all about just holding on

I can’t get my feel off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
Can you reach down here and pull me out, can you pull me out, yeah
I wanna scream but there’s no sound
I wanna fly to you somehow
Can you reach down here and pull me out, can you pull me out

not a moment too soon You will be my rescue
but tell me how long will it take?

I can’t get my feet off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
can you reach down here and pull me out, can you pull me out
I can’t get my feet off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
Can you reach down here and pull me out, can you pull me out, yeah
I wanna scream but there’s no sound
I wanna fly to you somehow
can you reach me here and pull me out – can you pull me out
can you pull me out? can you reach down and pull me out?

and the next one...

I want to run, it's my nature to run
And I want to fight, it's my nature to fight
And I want to live, but you tell me to die
I have resolved that I'm much better off
In your hands than mine

I'm begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to take my life from me
I want a crumb, but you are a feast
I want a song, but you are a symphony
I want a star, but your a galaxy

And I have resolved that I'm much better off
In what you have for me
I'm begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to take my life from me
So tell me you won't let go
Tell me you won't let go
Cause you are the only hope for me
Take my life from me, It's the only hope for me
Take my life from me, It's the only hope for me
And I'll never want for more
I'll never want for more

I'm begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to take my life from me
So tell me you won't let go
Tell me you won't let go
Cause your the only hope for me
You're the only hope for me
Yeah, your the only hope for me

a word from the wise.

today is just one of those days where things are off.
i woke up feeling like the Lord was a million miles away.

in a moment of desperation, i called my grandmother.
shocked to discover that my complaints and trivial, ridiculous woes
would be a 'blessing' to her and my sweet grandad, who somehow
found it necessary to stay on the phone the whole time.

there is something that makes you feel really special when 2 people
are on the other end of the same phone line. or, at least it made me
feel special today. but, its just one of those days.

i called because my grandmother is known for her prayers and the results
she gets. when she prays, things happen. i had that lump in my throat and
i just knew that as soon as she started praying for me, i would come undone.
that's when grandad joined in on the call ... so instead of praying for me then
and there, she promised she would later and spoke these words in response to
my current situation and fears ...

"you know erin, its like that old quote,

night is always darkest as just before dawn."

wow. so true. thanks g'mom.

then i read that familiar verse:
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

BUT, the verse before?

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness
(my Bible says at the bottom "OR: and feed on faithfulness OR: and find safe pasture")

I am comforted today by the reminder that my duty today is not to figure out my future,
but simply to trust and delight in Him. Easier said than done, for sure.
I believe Lord, help my unbelief.

funny, these days.

i keep getting blessed.
last week i attended the funeral of one of the
most magnificent women you could ever know.
Sweet Hopkins.

i have decided i hate the word funeral.
that is not what it was ... it was a celebration.
a celebration of a life lived well, lived loudly to the glory of God.

when talking with a friend on the phone last week before we headed
to dallas, we talked about how it was like we were going to her party,
except that she would not be there in the way we anticipated.
but she was there, in full force. the stories and memories told were amazing.
inspiring, courageous, and set apart was this saint. i have never seen a church
so packed in all my life. she made a difference, a huge one, in the kingdom.
and the Lord is not done using her... the way He used her here will not allow her
influence to diminish now that she is with Him.

She had her priorities right. She 'got it.'
I am challenged by who she was.
I am challenged by her family in this time.
I am reminded of the brevity of life.

Teach us, Oh Lord, to number our days, that we may gain a heart of WISDOM.

last week was rich, and full, and in the midst of death, it was so very very full of life.
i want to live a life that leaves laughter and joy behind when i go, i want to impact people
the way that Sweet did. I want to know Him like she did. I will forever be blessed by her,
by knowing her, and watching her ... I am thankful that I know more of the Lord because of her.

Sweet is missed, she always will be, but she made a difference that will never, ever fade.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called sons of God."

knowing.

this has potential to be the most cheesy post i have ever written, so im a little scared. 

but im going for it. since i have already established my intense love for nashville and the 

fall, specifically ... let me lay out some things that i miss since being here... 

friends. hugs. good hugs. deep conversations. being known. knowing others. 

laughing. gut wrenching laughter. gay street. front porch swing. gospel choir. 

encounter. community. honesty. blunt, freeing honesty. shorts and t shirts. ha. 

familiar faces. singing. i really miss singing. talks in the kitchen. pictures. walking

anywhere i want to go. asking questions. answering questions. did i mention hugs?

maybe i am suffering from failure to thrive ... 

okay, i could go on, but i cant take the cheese so i have to stop. 

im listening to brooke fraser this morning, and every song hits me right where i am. 

i love how the Lord always gets me with music, always. 

sorry this is so scattered. im a little all over the place this morning. 

on another note, its a perfectly dreary and rainy day here in nashville. 

Excitement

well, i am a happy camper! 

Today I get to see all of my best friends from college, 

coming from near and far:

Dallas, DC, NYC, Miami, Nashville, Birmingham, Huntsville, 

Auburn ... 

Destination? HOTLANTA!

We are all reuniting for Jessica's wedding and it is going to be a blast. 

I can't wait to see these crazies and the beautiful bride, she will be stunning. 

Okay, thats all ... time to hit the road !!! WAHOOO!

not your buddy

i am not quite sure what to write right now. I am way tired. 

however, if i don't take this time to type this, then i never will, so i must while i am thinking about it. this is an article that a very dear friend of mine sent me and a few others last week. 

i thought it was definitely interesting and worth sharing ... it touches on some big issues among 

the whole dating vs. friends thing in today's current christian culture, if you will. 

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001845.cfm

i would love to know your thoughts, so please share. 

certified organic

i know. im a big dork. 

its okay. i like organic food and computers. 

i accept it. i relish in my state. 

i am not a die hard organic fan, mostly because i cant afford it. 

but i do always buy organic dairy and poultry (sorry, i like it better than meat).

today i had organic peanut butter on a rice cake. 

and i noticed something:

this organic peanut butter apparently lacks the ingredient 

that normal peanut butter has in it to keep it from sticking to your mouth/teeth. 

i mean, i could hardly swallow this stuff. took a huge glass of milk to get it down. 

crazy. 

oh, and speaking of milk. 

i heard this week that horizon milk is not really organic, 

so its better to get stoneyfield farm's ... they say. 

thats all i got. 

New Music Tuesdays.

I live for new music tuesdays. 

Well, not really. 

I don't have money anymore. 

Not that I ever did. 

But now? Now I really don't. 

However, Today is a peculiar new music tuesday. 

Why? Because:

1. Bebo Norman released his new album with a song called Britney, 

and yes, it is about my fellow head shaving friend (?) ... Miss Spears. 

"Britney is a song about what our culture says and does to young women 

these days," explains Norman. "It's about the lies we tell them about fame and money and what's beautiful and what will give them lie. It's an apology for those lies. But more than that, it's an invitation to the truth about a God who is bigger than the pain this world so often leaves them in." 

I was going to put a link to the video here, but apparently I am dumb and my computer won't let me and I don't know how to make it let me. 

2. Kristy Lee C(r)ook released her album today with a most fitting first track title of:

15 minutes of Shame. I won't describe the album cover, there are no words, just check it 

out here...

3. Finally, Leona Naess released her newest album today. I am so excited. For those of you who do not know her, she is an amazing singer-songwriter based in London and NY ... often compared to Feist (who is brilliant). Anyways, you should check out her new album. She is on tour with Ray La this fall. It does not get much better than that, folks. 

4. Death Cab released their live from las vegas EP ... you should ALWAYS check out death cab. DUH. 

5. I must not forget. This past weekend was an amazing time in Nashville for the NEXT BIG NASHVILLE music festival. I had an amazing time catching some amazing shows with friends, and I do mean amazing. If you do not know about Katie Herzig yet, then you are missing out on life. Her new album, the Apple Tree, its a must ... do not even listen to a 30 second clip, just freakin buy it. You will n

ot regret it. 

awaiting the changing colors of leaves among other many things

i am not writing much in this blog. i do not have much to say.
however, a picture is worth a thousand words, so i am including many to tell you/show you things i am looking forward to.

as much as i am addicted to summer, i absolutely love fall. it is perhaps the most nostalgic, most inspiring, and coziest of all seasons. it is beautiful and mysterious.

i cannot wait for cool days in the park, curled up in blankets with a pumpkin spice latte and a good book. to be surrounded by a myriad of colors. i cannot wait.

fall of 2006 was when i fell in love with nashville. it is absolutely gorgeous here in autumn, and i am so excited about living here for it this time and not just driving back and forth for tease visits like years past.

here are some pictures to show you why i love it.

finally a college graduate (well, i hope) ...

i mean, i did miss the deadline to order my cap and gown.
i know, big shocker.
it definitely made my mom happy.

so of course, watch as it will beautifully unfold.
i will get there, family in tow, for perhaps the first time ever,
and they will turn me away because they dont have any "extras."

tisk. tisk.
please, Lord, let me FINALLY graduate.
i cannot be a 6th year senior. i may die.

anyways ... i have been interning, as many of you know, with and inner city, non-profit organization here in Nashville called Youth Encouragement Services. I just finished my
massive senior paper/project, so I am including the video that did as a part of that so you
can understand more of my experience. And if you dont care, thats fine, i may never know.

{it wouldnt post. biscuet, help. awe geez. im not as tech savvy as i thought...}

Debbie Downer Deputy

well, this may be an interesting post because, ill be honest, im still a bit heated ...

my ride home today was intended to be great. i just got a copy of a recent project i 

worked on and put it in to listen to for the first time since it has been mastered. i planned

on making a phone call or two on the way home and suddenly i look up in shock. 

previously, my boss suggested i take a different road home to beat some traffic and save some 

time, so today was my first attempt. i was cruising along, minding my business, excited about getting home more 'quickly' when i look up to see a freakin cop standing in the middle of my lane. (what an idiot! i am thinking) ... so i slow down and he motions me to pull over. of course im dumb and thinking they are blocking off the road or doing a random license and registration check. however, i was dead wrong. 

he comes up to my passenger window and it went something like this:

officer: it sure would have been a lot less hard to slow down and avoid hitting me if you werent going 22mph over the speed limit. 

me: i am so sorry, sir. i am new to the city and my boss told me to take this shortcut home today, this is the first time i have ever driven this road and it looks like interstate to me, i didnt see a speed limit sign. 

officer: give me your license, where are you from?

me: (fumbling for it and realizing im sure lucky that i had it in the car after switching it to another bag to take on the boat with me yesterday) alabama. 

officer: ha, well im pretty sure they have speed limit signs there!!

me: yes sir, they do. 

officer: i can tell. ill be right back. whats your new address?

i hand him my license and then tell him my address and he leaves me waiting for far too many moments and im trying to figure out what is going on, and thinking about the record he is about to see laid out in front of him. moments later he returns, in his fatal attempts to be nice - or civil or something...

officer: when did you shave all your hair off? 

me: the beginning of the summer

(this is when i wanted to say something very smart and witty to him, and honestly, these are the times when i wish i didnt know Jesus (i hope you understand how i mean that) because i could get away with alot more in that moment, but i held my tongue, whew.)

officer:me too. nice, int'it? 'lot cooler.

me:yeeaaaahhh.

officer:well, if you sign the back of this and send it in you can take a driving course online to wipe any extra points off your record.

me: so, you are giving me a ticket?

officer: ha, well yeah! 

me: seriously?! how much is it going to be? 

officer: a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY!

(jerk, what a total jerk)

me: sir, is there really no way i can talk you out of this? i had a real bad ticket recently and i swear i learned my lesson, i dont ever speed anymore, i just really have never been on this road before and did not know that it was 45mph! (the tears begin to form, out of all the many tickets i have gotten in my lifetime i have never even been able to muster up tears, no matter how hard i tried.)

officer: well, you will know next time. you are getting that ticket, i already filled it out, and you may wanna slow down - we are here clockin' about 3-4 days a week!

(meanwhile im thinking ill never take this route again)

so ... moral of the story is ... you win some, and you loose some. i seem to be on a bad loosing streak. and i made up for lost tears in the 15 minutes following. you would have thought i was on jerry springer. oh, and i also seem to be pretty dang good at acquiring a criminal record without ever even trying. good grief. but hey - it runs in the family. 

my thoughts penned for me.

well, i was already thinking about blogging today. i decided i was going to after i got off the phone with my friend who perfectly articulated part of the stage that i am in right now. i am not sure that i remember well enough what she said - but it was perfect, if i could have put words to my emotions, i would have said what she did.

i was telling her how it is hard because i was supposed to go to a friends for dinner tonight but had to pass up the invite in order to stay at home and do laundry and catch up on emails, start a paper, and do things that i cant do during the day since i am working - but are required for days to go by smoothly. 

she said, "its funny because when you first got there you were just getting in the swing of things so you wanted to be by yourself and have some downtime to get settled. then you wanted to be hanging out with people all the time so you wouldnt be lonely, but somehow even that makes you so busy that you are almost more tired, and because you dont know them very well, you are STILL lonely."  sooooo true. i am not very good at this post college making friends thing - and then when you do find people you like and connect with you dont want to appear like an overexerted freak - and i often do, so i guess im trying to play it cool - but i have never been good at that. oh well. who cares. 

my next subject was on my whole career dilemma, but relevant summed it up for me quite nicely today, so i will just put the link right here:

http://relevantmagazine.com/life_article.php?id=7578

(biscuet, why cant i ever get blogger to let me paste a link?!)

 luckily, i have a great friend here who called me today to see if i would be up for going to the lake tomorrow after work and i cant think of a better thing to do to wind down the day. so, im headed to pack my swimsuit, then im going to bed, then work, then the lake ... i really do love this place. 

things as of late ...

what is about to follow are issues in my life, recent and future thoughts, as well as plans ... 

in no particular order ... just go with it. 

full time job vs. part time job vs. pursuing music

baby lotion

friendships

my brothers birthday

papers for my internship

the dread of needing to purchase new jeans and perfume

moving to bangkok to work with sex trade 

music

getting ready to go on tour

missing austin

loving nashville

adapting to moms new apartment

david platts message series on the gospel and ... (parents, singleness, marriage, homosexuality, family, divorce, etc.)

finding a pregnancy test in the girl bathroom at work

tough love vs. grace when disciplining 

married life 

singleness

amazing shows

gas prices

orphans

fatigue

work ethic

making new friends

Romans relevance to Life

how much Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift sucks

disciple making

a kiss could ruin everything

africa

clare burson

bon iver

did i say new friends?

the job market

the future

emily's cd on repeat

trusting

good wine

sushi

car washing

fresh laundry

real, quality coffee

deep conversation

hugs

calling someone by their name

babies

weddings 

music career

passion

surrender 

ill end on that .... surrender. 

give yourself away.

its catching on:

my co-worker who got friends and family to raise $300 for the austistic children we work with. 

the girls i went to visit today who are painting a mural in downtown auburn to involve the whole city in a project together, combining all ages. 

the people who volunteer at the hospice that i visited last week. 

my friend who is spending the next 3 years in china. 

the friend who told me today that she and her fiance want to go to service and mission work in 

other countries for their honeymoon instead of getting gifts for their home because she says, "i dont need anything, not one more thing."

my friend who seeks out the homeless because she loves them so much.

my roommate who wants to spend her vacation doing aids outreach. 

could anything else be more contagious ? im continually convinced that we come more alive 

when we live for others lives instead of our own. when we exist for their well being. when we are committed to the hurting, the poor, the dying the sick. when we give away what we have because we dont need it and someone else does. when we give up our plans in order to make anothers dreams possible. 

no wonder Jesus gave his life for us. that, He says, is how we will gain it. 

.:Matt. 16:25-26:.

lyrics from one of my favorite songs right now say :

If you choose to love, 

To know that the call 

Is to give all you are

To give love away...

Rise, Rise, people of love rise

People of love rise, 

Give yourself away. 

This picture is from a friend who did this last week. 

He went in to eat at the restaurant where one of my roommates was working, 

and he left this on the table with a twenty dollar bill. He will probably kill 

me when he finds out i put this on here, but i had to because its a perfect example of what this 

post is all about. 

i hope this encourages you to look for ways that you can bless others, 

it doesn't have to be big, a little goes a long way, especially if it is motivated by love. 

more on love.

well. you would think that i would be done with this subject, but im not. 

yesterday was one of my best friends birthdays, and what did her boyfriend do ?

he drove three+ hours from his college campus to visit her at work. there is nothing more 

comforting than knowing your friends are loved and cherished and treated right. 

there are some boys im around that raise my standards, and some that lower them. 

im thankful for the ones that raise my standards, and i pray that the ones that lower them 

will know what it is to know what it is to love a woman as Christ loves the church, and treat 

her as such. He cherishes us, and serves us, all because of love, and i love nothing more than 

to see a guy try to accurately portray that: even though we are fallen. He has redeemed us. 

He is who gives us the ability to love outside of ourselves. I can only hope and pray that more each day am i loving and living outside of myself. 

strength to face the day.

hosanna. (paulbaloche)

{this is the song i mentioned earlier. it pumps me up these days. 

i cant listen to it without going insane, it just stirs the hope in me. for sure}

Praise is rising, eyes are turning to You, we turn to You
Hope is stirring, hearts are yearning for You, we long for You
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Hosanna, hosanna
You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, hosanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

Hear the sound of hearts returning to You, we turn to You
In Your Kingdom broken lives are made new, You make us new
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Hosanna, hosanna
You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, hosanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Hosanna, hosanna
You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, hosanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

hope is stirring.

if you have been keeping up with any of my posts lately, you know that im fickle these days.
fickle with trusting His sovereignty, with believing him. i think i relate to Him all to often
like i do friend's or family that have failed me. He's never failed me yet. however, i just cant seem to
figure out why i treat Him like He has. i am thankful that He knows that i am made of dust, and that
He must constantly remind me of His goodness. even in the midst of loneliness, fear, adversity, failure,
joy, strife, victory, and success. He is always with me.

i have taken great comfort in His sovereignty in these last few hours.
i looked up what wikipedia has to say about sovereignty. here it is:
Sovereignty is the exclusive right to have complete control over an area of governance, people, or oneself.
A sovereign is the supreme lawmaking authority, subject to no other.
( i am reminded that i am not good enough to mess up his plan, or bad enough for that matter )
what any man, whoever he may be, orders on his own, is not a law. there is no law without a sovereign.

how good it is to rest in that. and how often, how many moments of the day to i fret over my feelings
of failure, or floundering.

one of my favorite verses in all of the Bible is Lamentations 3:21.
jeremiah had it much worse than i have ever had, but he still had hope,
and even after the destruction of Jerusalem, the temple of God, and so many lives,
he still spoke of the Lord's love and compassion.
i love Lam. 3:21 because it reminds me, when i am plagued with so little faith, to recall the roads i have walked,
and where He has taken me from strength to strength in the past, because HE is faithful.
Jeremiah says, "But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:"
(please go read the WHOLE chapter: http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Lamentations+3)
he recalls the Lord's faithfulness in the past and is reminded of his mercy, love and compassion.
what great comfort there is in knowing that he cares, and that HE cares enough to have complete control,
so much control that i and no one else can do anything to change HIS plan for me, for you.
THAT IS WONDERFUL.



the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
there is a song that i have had on repeat today that i will post later.
its amazing.

some thoughts from others on hope . . .


If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea. -Antoine De Saint

The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams. - Elizabeth Gilbert

Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence. - Lin Yutang

To eat bread without hope is still slowly to starve to death. - Pearl Buck

None who have always been free can understand the terrible fascinating power of the hope of freedom to those who are not free. - Pearl Buck

The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope. - Samuel Johnson

Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope? - Job 4:6

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. - Ps. 62:5

But I WILL HOPE CONTINUALLY and will praise you yet more and more. - Ps. 71:14

and this ...

but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love. -Ps. 147:11

HOPE: To wish for something with the expectation of the wish being fulfilled. Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope implies a certain amount of despair, wanting, wishing, suffering or perseverance — i.e., believing that a better or positive outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary.

We hold within us the reason, the answer, THE one who IS HOPE !

into the wild.

you need to see this film ... 

love changes everything.

so, i have been noticing lately that something is going on around me.
im in a stage of life where i am processing alot, trying to figure out alot,
and digest many things. i remember reading my friend biscuet's blog the other
day and he was talking about being in a place in life where he rarely has answers
for anything and i totally identified. im there too. but, in all of my oblivion lately, i have been bombarded with one thing for sure.
...love. but not just love.

this.
that love changes everything.

i see it. i hear it. it surrounds me on every side.
i would be lying if i did not say that much of this comes from the
fact that im in that beloved stage of life where literally all of my
closest and best friends are either engaged, married, or dating someone
pretty seriously. but, most of them are married or engaged.
so, it effects me. i dont know that im so much dying to have someone
right now, as i am just wishing i had someone to take with me to spend time with
all my couple friends, but for now im just fine being the third or fifth wheel.

however: i just keep seeing how love changes people. changes everything.

• i have watched a friend who swore she would never get married right out of collegehead straight down that path.
  
• i have watched my friend who HATES planning, plan for the sake of love, to make room for love to flourish and grow.
• i have seen a friend who hates talking on the phone spend countless hours in conversation
• ...miss independent talk to her man, text, or gchat him every chance she gets.
  
• ...i have seen thoughtless guys turn into magnificent creators, all for love.
  
• ...i have seen career woman abandon her career dreams to follow his.
  
• ...the one who does not like to run, will run twice a day if it means that she can run with him.
  
• ... he will eat thai food, even if he is allergic, if that is what she wants ...

you get my drift. you probably got it a long time ago. i see the sacrifices, and maybe thats why this road is not cut out for me yet, im still way too selfish, and im just not there yet. but im learning, and as my friend Landon Pigg says,

"Fairy tales can come true
It could happen to you
You're young at heart
For it's hard, you will find
To be narrow of mind
If you're young at heart
You can go to extremes with impossible schemes
You can laugh while your dreams fall apart at the seams
And life gets more exciting with each passing day
And love is either in your heart or it's on its way ... "
but its worth every treasure on earth to be young at heart.

i just know that i want love to change me. mix me up, and rearrange me.
i want to look more soft when i look at the one i love.
i want to die to any selfish desire for the sake of the one i love.
i want to surrender my plans and dreams for the pursuit of the dreams of my beloved. i want to say in this line that i believe that it will happen.
but i doubt. a lot.

[my friend cara jane and i are reading this book right now, and i must steal part of her inclusion because it just makes the point here. thanks ceej]

we are currently reading a book called the shack, by william p. young. in chapter 8, God is explaining to the main character, mackenzie, why humans have such a hard time trusting that reality is bigger than the small, incomplete picture that we see:

"The real underlying flaw in your life, Mackenzie, is that you don't think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything--the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives--is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't...Mackenzie, you cannot produce trust just like you cannot 'do' humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me."

i do know the greatest love that truly has changed everything.
but it seems that i have a long way to go, and it still has an endless amount to change in me.

HIS LOVE is changing everything, even me.

stories.

Well, I have had a pretty interesting week and a half. Everything from getting arrested and going to jail, to having internship interviews, recording in Nashville, starting a job in Auburn ... and now I am listening to Band of Horses and chillin.

WELCOME: SB2K8. 

I have pondered many things in these recent weeks, and one thing keeps recurring. 

Redemption. I have had conversations about death, healing, homosexuality, divorce, addiction, 

freedom, marriage, bondage, justice, grief, love, pain, and victory. So, as you can imagine, my mind has been on overload, and thinking ninety to nothing. 

If you know me well at all (or maybe even not so well) you know that I am big on vulnerability. 

At times, I myself am vulnerable to a fault. I have my trust issues, for sure, but most of the time I am trusting to a fault. However, I find myself so often wishing that others were more vulnerable. I know much of this is because I find that I just love people and have a genuine care and concern for them, but I believe someone in this last week articulated what echos in my heart on this issue. So I will share it with you. 

She said:

"I find that all too often I

exalt the good,

diminish the bad, 

and hide the ugly ... 

and that is not fair to the Lord because it lowers the power of His redemption."

WOW. That hit me when she said that, because thats just it. No matter what it is, whether an issue I listed above, or another, there is beauty in telling, and there is life in sharing, and redemption in trusting. 

Be wise with who, how, and when you tell. 

But let me challenge you to just share it. 

Branch out, be brave, and share the power of His redemption. 

living.

So, I was talking to my best friend the other day about the random things in life, and 

we got lost in bouncing thoughts and ideas off one another as usual. She was telling me 

about what the Lord has shown her recently about community. I learned from her in that 

conversation and in the few days that followed I experienced what she was talking about, 

and I was amazed at the experience that I had with new eyes. 

She was telling me about how the Lord has really shown her what her area of ministry is now. 

As a mother, you have a whole new realm of influence. Quickly, overnight almost, your workplace becomes your kitchen, your desk transforms into a rocking chair, emails and phone calls are now replaced with hours of feeding, and your 'co-workers' become neighbors. I listened as she told me how she desires to live in a place where everything that is necessary for daily life is in walking distance: The church, the school, the market, a restaurant, and a coffee shop. 

Suddenly, while listening to her, i found myself aching for this kind of simplicity. How wonderful life would be if we were surrounded by, and investing in the same people, and how would that transform the way i view the gospel and share it ? You must understand that what I'm going for here is not a bubble. I mean, rather, living intentional life among the people that we must encounter: The barista, waitress, check out lady at the grocery, and the school teacher. To be able to build relationships with those people, to have continuity and consistency, and to love them to Jesus, and see them experience His love. 

After this conversation I appreciated even Auburn in a new way, I want to go to the same places, on a regular basis, I want to walk there, and i want to know the people on the streets ... on the walk there and back. 

I just realized how much Jesus walked (no pun intended Kanye), 

with the same, 

the few, 

... among the masses. 

starting anew.

Hello my dear friends.

This is just a blog to let you all know that i am going to start blogging again (heaven forbid), so, if you want to start checking it, here is my address. Hope you are all doing swell.