love changes everything.

so, i have been noticing lately that something is going on around me.
im in a stage of life where i am processing alot, trying to figure out alot,
and digest many things. i remember reading my friend biscuet's blog the other
day and he was talking about being in a place in life where he rarely has answers
for anything and i totally identified. im there too. but, in all of my oblivion lately, i have been bombarded with one thing for sure.
...love. but not just love.

this.
that love changes everything.

i see it. i hear it. it surrounds me on every side.
i would be lying if i did not say that much of this comes from the
fact that im in that beloved stage of life where literally all of my
closest and best friends are either engaged, married, or dating someone
pretty seriously. but, most of them are married or engaged.
so, it effects me. i dont know that im so much dying to have someone
right now, as i am just wishing i had someone to take with me to spend time with
all my couple friends, but for now im just fine being the third or fifth wheel.

however: i just keep seeing how love changes people. changes everything.

• i have watched a friend who swore she would never get married right out of collegehead straight down that path.
  
• i have watched my friend who HATES planning, plan for the sake of love, to make room for love to flourish and grow.
• i have seen a friend who hates talking on the phone spend countless hours in conversation
• ...miss independent talk to her man, text, or gchat him every chance she gets.
  
• ...i have seen thoughtless guys turn into magnificent creators, all for love.
  
• ...i have seen career woman abandon her career dreams to follow his.
  
• ...the one who does not like to run, will run twice a day if it means that she can run with him.
  
• ... he will eat thai food, even if he is allergic, if that is what she wants ...

you get my drift. you probably got it a long time ago. i see the sacrifices, and maybe thats why this road is not cut out for me yet, im still way too selfish, and im just not there yet. but im learning, and as my friend Landon Pigg says,

"Fairy tales can come true
It could happen to you
You're young at heart
For it's hard, you will find
To be narrow of mind
If you're young at heart
You can go to extremes with impossible schemes
You can laugh while your dreams fall apart at the seams
And life gets more exciting with each passing day
And love is either in your heart or it's on its way ... "
but its worth every treasure on earth to be young at heart.

i just know that i want love to change me. mix me up, and rearrange me.
i want to look more soft when i look at the one i love.
i want to die to any selfish desire for the sake of the one i love.
i want to surrender my plans and dreams for the pursuit of the dreams of my beloved. i want to say in this line that i believe that it will happen.
but i doubt. a lot.

[my friend cara jane and i are reading this book right now, and i must steal part of her inclusion because it just makes the point here. thanks ceej]

we are currently reading a book called the shack, by william p. young. in chapter 8, God is explaining to the main character, mackenzie, why humans have such a hard time trusting that reality is bigger than the small, incomplete picture that we see:

"The real underlying flaw in your life, Mackenzie, is that you don't think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything--the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives--is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't...Mackenzie, you cannot produce trust just like you cannot 'do' humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me."

i do know the greatest love that truly has changed everything.
but it seems that i have a long way to go, and it still has an endless amount to change in me.

HIS LOVE is changing everything, even me.