Debbie Downer Deputy

well, this may be an interesting post because, ill be honest, im still a bit heated ...

my ride home today was intended to be great. i just got a copy of a recent project i 

worked on and put it in to listen to for the first time since it has been mastered. i planned

on making a phone call or two on the way home and suddenly i look up in shock. 

previously, my boss suggested i take a different road home to beat some traffic and save some 

time, so today was my first attempt. i was cruising along, minding my business, excited about getting home more 'quickly' when i look up to see a freakin cop standing in the middle of my lane. (what an idiot! i am thinking) ... so i slow down and he motions me to pull over. of course im dumb and thinking they are blocking off the road or doing a random license and registration check. however, i was dead wrong. 

he comes up to my passenger window and it went something like this:

officer: it sure would have been a lot less hard to slow down and avoid hitting me if you werent going 22mph over the speed limit. 

me: i am so sorry, sir. i am new to the city and my boss told me to take this shortcut home today, this is the first time i have ever driven this road and it looks like interstate to me, i didnt see a speed limit sign. 

officer: give me your license, where are you from?

me: (fumbling for it and realizing im sure lucky that i had it in the car after switching it to another bag to take on the boat with me yesterday) alabama. 

officer: ha, well im pretty sure they have speed limit signs there!!

me: yes sir, they do. 

officer: i can tell. ill be right back. whats your new address?

i hand him my license and then tell him my address and he leaves me waiting for far too many moments and im trying to figure out what is going on, and thinking about the record he is about to see laid out in front of him. moments later he returns, in his fatal attempts to be nice - or civil or something...

officer: when did you shave all your hair off? 

me: the beginning of the summer

(this is when i wanted to say something very smart and witty to him, and honestly, these are the times when i wish i didnt know Jesus (i hope you understand how i mean that) because i could get away with alot more in that moment, but i held my tongue, whew.)

officer:me too. nice, int'it? 'lot cooler.

me:yeeaaaahhh.

officer:well, if you sign the back of this and send it in you can take a driving course online to wipe any extra points off your record.

me: so, you are giving me a ticket?

officer: ha, well yeah! 

me: seriously?! how much is it going to be? 

officer: a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY!

(jerk, what a total jerk)

me: sir, is there really no way i can talk you out of this? i had a real bad ticket recently and i swear i learned my lesson, i dont ever speed anymore, i just really have never been on this road before and did not know that it was 45mph! (the tears begin to form, out of all the many tickets i have gotten in my lifetime i have never even been able to muster up tears, no matter how hard i tried.)

officer: well, you will know next time. you are getting that ticket, i already filled it out, and you may wanna slow down - we are here clockin' about 3-4 days a week!

(meanwhile im thinking ill never take this route again)

so ... moral of the story is ... you win some, and you loose some. i seem to be on a bad loosing streak. and i made up for lost tears in the 15 minutes following. you would have thought i was on jerry springer. oh, and i also seem to be pretty dang good at acquiring a criminal record without ever even trying. good grief. but hey - it runs in the family.