penned my soul

who? bebo. always.
here are the latest two that speak right where i am these days ...


tell me now, when does this start feeling
like I understand everything I’m dealing with
first I was young, now it’s all just happening
and what about the way I said that
made you turn around and shake your head
like I don’t even know what I’m asking for

this could be all about just letting go
this could be all about just holding on

I can’t get my feet off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
can you reach down here and pull me out, can you pull me out, yeah
I wanna scream but there’s no sound
I wanna fly to you somehow
can you reach me here and pull me out, can you pull me out

remember when I was young and hungry,
I could take it in, without much money,
I had nothing at all but dreams and time to kill
and now I feel like I’m treading water
and I’m hardly real - I’m just trying harder
to make my way on the earth by standing still

this could be all about just letting go
this could be all about just holding on

I can’t get my feel off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
Can you reach down here and pull me out, can you pull me out, yeah
I wanna scream but there’s no sound
I wanna fly to you somehow
Can you reach down here and pull me out, can you pull me out

not a moment too soon You will be my rescue
but tell me how long will it take?

I can’t get my feet off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
can you reach down here and pull me out, can you pull me out
I can’t get my feet off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
Can you reach down here and pull me out, can you pull me out, yeah
I wanna scream but there’s no sound
I wanna fly to you somehow
can you reach me here and pull me out – can you pull me out
can you pull me out? can you reach down and pull me out?

and the next one...

I want to run, it's my nature to run
And I want to fight, it's my nature to fight
And I want to live, but you tell me to die
I have resolved that I'm much better off
In your hands than mine

I'm begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to take my life from me
I want a crumb, but you are a feast
I want a song, but you are a symphony
I want a star, but your a galaxy

And I have resolved that I'm much better off
In what you have for me
I'm begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to take my life from me
So tell me you won't let go
Tell me you won't let go
Cause you are the only hope for me
Take my life from me, It's the only hope for me
Take my life from me, It's the only hope for me
And I'll never want for more
I'll never want for more

I'm begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to take my life from me
So tell me you won't let go
Tell me you won't let go
Cause your the only hope for me
You're the only hope for me
Yeah, your the only hope for me

a word from the wise.

today is just one of those days where things are off.
i woke up feeling like the Lord was a million miles away.

in a moment of desperation, i called my grandmother.
shocked to discover that my complaints and trivial, ridiculous woes
would be a 'blessing' to her and my sweet grandad, who somehow
found it necessary to stay on the phone the whole time.

there is something that makes you feel really special when 2 people
are on the other end of the same phone line. or, at least it made me
feel special today. but, its just one of those days.

i called because my grandmother is known for her prayers and the results
she gets. when she prays, things happen. i had that lump in my throat and
i just knew that as soon as she started praying for me, i would come undone.
that's when grandad joined in on the call ... so instead of praying for me then
and there, she promised she would later and spoke these words in response to
my current situation and fears ...

"you know erin, its like that old quote,

night is always darkest as just before dawn."

wow. so true. thanks g'mom.

then i read that familiar verse:
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

BUT, the verse before?

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness
(my Bible says at the bottom "OR: and feed on faithfulness OR: and find safe pasture")

I am comforted today by the reminder that my duty today is not to figure out my future,
but simply to trust and delight in Him. Easier said than done, for sure.
I believe Lord, help my unbelief.

funny, these days.

i keep getting blessed.
last week i attended the funeral of one of the
most magnificent women you could ever know.
Sweet Hopkins.

i have decided i hate the word funeral.
that is not what it was ... it was a celebration.
a celebration of a life lived well, lived loudly to the glory of God.

when talking with a friend on the phone last week before we headed
to dallas, we talked about how it was like we were going to her party,
except that she would not be there in the way we anticipated.
but she was there, in full force. the stories and memories told were amazing.
inspiring, courageous, and set apart was this saint. i have never seen a church
so packed in all my life. she made a difference, a huge one, in the kingdom.
and the Lord is not done using her... the way He used her here will not allow her
influence to diminish now that she is with Him.

She had her priorities right. She 'got it.'
I am challenged by who she was.
I am challenged by her family in this time.
I am reminded of the brevity of life.

Teach us, Oh Lord, to number our days, that we may gain a heart of WISDOM.

last week was rich, and full, and in the midst of death, it was so very very full of life.
i want to live a life that leaves laughter and joy behind when i go, i want to impact people
the way that Sweet did. I want to know Him like she did. I will forever be blessed by her,
by knowing her, and watching her ... I am thankful that I know more of the Lord because of her.

Sweet is missed, she always will be, but she made a difference that will never, ever fade.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called sons of God."