Tuesday, July 28, 2009

get over it.

you know those days?

the ones where the glass is half empty, everything is wrong in the world, and nobody can do anything right? the one where you just want to scream at the top of your lungs?

today was that day. i would like to say its not often that i get in these moods but today? bingo.

well, awesome erin, that's just perfect.

several weeks ago i took a very thorough personality test called the enneagram. http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
(excuse my lack of blog savvyness) ...

my roommate and i laughed at how the analysis of my personality type (6, 'the loyalist')
describes me to a T in some ways:

"...They are both strong and weak, fearful and courageous, trusting and distrusting, defenders and provokers, sweet and sour, aggressive and passive, bullies and weaklings, on the defensive and on the offensive, thinkers and doers, group people and soloists, believers and doubters, cooperative and obstructionistic, tender and mean, generous and petty—and on and on. It is the contradictory picture that is the characteristic “fingerprint” of Sixes, the fact that they are a bundle of opposites."

Now I always say, "Im sweet and sour, Sarah!" ...

well. today. i was unfortuneately VERY sour.
so much so that i missed:

-a free screener ticket to the only movie i was excited about seeing all summer
-a friends surprise birthday party
-good time with my mom
-a meeting that i needed to attend

i could not shake my bad mood so instead of making everyone suffer, i decided to just stay home if i was going to pout. what is my deal?
i am one big contradiction. today i was all the bad things.

these are the days when i am most aware of my need for Jesus.
i cant shake it on my own. i need my savior.

good thing my personality also needs something bigger than myself ...

"They are the type which is most conscious of anxiety—"anxious that they are anxious"—unlike other personality types who are either unaware of their anxiety or who unconsciously convert it into other symptoms."

"At the root of their anxiety is a continual feeling of being unsupported. Most fundamentally, Sixes doubt that they can support themselves. They do not trust their ability to know what to do, especially when their decisions effect their security. At the very least, they tend to second-guess themselves, making a decision and then fearing that they made the wrong choice. Because they feel unsure of themselves, Sixes look outside themselves for something to support and reassure them."

"Because “belief” (trust, faith, convictions, positions) is difficult for Sixes to achieve, and because it is so important to their sense of stability, once they establish a trustworthy belief, they do not easily question it, nor do they want others to do so. The same is true for individuals in a Six’s life: once Sixes feel they can trust someone, they go to great lengths to maintain connections with the person who acts as a sounding board, a mentor, or a regulator for the Six’s emotional reactions and behavior. They therefore do everything in their power to keep their affiliations going. (“If I don’t trust myself, then I have to find something in this world I can trust.”)"

"...they think—and worry—a lot! They also tend to fear making important decisions, although at the same time, they resist having anyone else make decisions for them. They want to avoid being controlled, but are also afraid of taking responsibility in a way that might put them “in the line of fire.”

"If Sixes feel that they have sufficient back up, they can move forward with some degree of confidence. But if that crumbles, they become anxious and self-doubting, reawakening their Basic Fear. (“I’m on my own! What am I going to do now?”)"

note to self: GET OVER YOURSELF.